This recognition was real but initially fleeting. Later my friend ribbed me for what I'd said. When her ribbing irked me, I retorted, 'well, it's true isn't it? I mean, we all do die alone.'
She shook her head and smiled, 'truth has nothing to do with it.'
She said this with her unusual calm forbearance, but in the turn of an instant I went away from Youth.
Being young I had needed judgement to make myself distinct, because honesty was the way to judgement, I said whatever came to me, thinking the speed and the plent of my words made them true. I'd confused honesty with expedience.
And the way to the future was illuminated."
Well, that was me, 2 years ago. So innocent that I can hardly remember once being like that. I've grown colder (maybe in a less agressive term, calmer?), more multi-sided that people who ''think'' they used to know me got sad because they don't recognize me anymore. Not that they did either way. We all live under certain shells, I've just got more than one. Most people won't even bother to know me, or they're only willing to lie to themselves that they do. I feel like a man sometimes, I'm only sensual at times, most of the other time I don't need emotion to guide my feelings, or to pretend to be my invisible friend. Therefore women normally dislike me, and believe me I even had an Arizona gal yelled at me the first 5 mins she met me, calling me an arrogant bitch when she was the one talking and got carried away. It seemed more like she was mad at herself. Guys... well... most of the brainless ones can only drool over the image they got of me and say Damn Baby you're smoking hot; and some of the ones with certain brain would waste no time to kill their remaining brain cells and let hormones totally take control; very few stays, and fewer knows my ture form.
So I got to ponder a little bit more on what I wrote couple days ago. "Ponder," as my friend David would say, "is the word for people over 50 years old." I feel like a 50-year-old sometimes, mind wise; but no worries, I can still move like a 15 year old, and in the bedroom... oh God I'm just a woman in her prime, with her sexuality maturing, blossoming, and when a man makes me purr like a cat.. moan, scream, writhe...well ok let's face it I'm a slut in the bedroom. Thing is, as it is for me, that side is reserved for the man who is between my legs in the bedroom. Men respect the woman who is a slut in the bedroom. Not one who is outside of it. And as a woman we should remember that too. Because whether if we like it or not, if we want a good reputation, "social-purposely'' or whatever, that respect is important. As for feminists have found out, we can't change the damn rules of the game--it's still the way the world works.
Although I think women should all be slutty in their bedrooms. If I was a guy I would not be interested in a woman who wasn't slutty once she spread her legs - but the fact is, when she spreads her legs to too many guys - esp guys who know each other - well, then she goes from being slutty only when she opens her legs to being merely slutty. I think most of the women, really need to check carefully on the implications of sleeping within men within a closed circle. I would always recommend that a women should never fuck guys who know each other. Even 2 is too many. Keep your men from knowing each other, because that's the minimum respect a man expects. If insult him by sleeping with someone he knows, ultimately the men will get together and brand you a slut, and let every other man in their circle know it... That is just how it works.... And if the number of men who know each other is more, the reputational damage is exponentially increased.
The point is, when you are "easy" with one man, and he talks about you - and his friends try to lay you, but you dont give in (cos you know its within his circle), then the talk about you dies, because they cannot verify his remarks, and in fact probably think he was making it up, since you were definitely not "easy" to them. However, the moment you give in to another man in the circle - the fact that you are "easy" is verified, and the damage is irreparable. There is no point trying to fix it. The only choice you have is to leave that group forever, and hope that no one from it ever mixes with any of your future friends again.
Yet it still brings to light how I think the whole monogamy thing is rather hypocritical if you ask me. I mean look at the human history, it's always the weak ones that have to share with the strong ones, when the strong ones always take control. Easy example, back in the ancient time, emperors always had ''more than 3000'' girls waiting in his back-palace hoping to be found and caressed and therefore to be able to breed. That doesn't only happen when there's one alpha male taking control. In the kingdom ruled by women, where women were the king, their ''wives'' were a whole bunch of guys, as well. Affection, love, relationships, they are only things/chemicals we created in the back of our head, like hormone, like adrenalin. Women all over the world...are fascinated by "bad boys" by traditional standard, bikers, rock stars, etc. And most of the time they end up crying bout how they cheated on them when they KNEW he would. She can't fight that. The human rules never triumph the nature rules. We use the rules the standards to tie ourselves up, to set boundaries on ourselves, and therefore most of us live in denial. Truth about truth is... well.. it hurts.. so alot of people would prefer not to know the truth and live in their little lies/lives, do good deeds, be a good person. That would work. For commoners. For the alpha males/females, therefore, would be a totally a different story.
Anyways.
In my earlier blog, I raised a point about Asian girls and white men. As I saw in manila, - its not limited to China - all asian countries , have a situation where white men are idolised and considered better than the local men on several fronts. This is partly media made and partly colonial legacy. Media - because US made movies, fashion and culture still more or less rule the global markets. Most Asian society's ideas of good looks (white, square jawed, rugged) celebrities, models, fashion gurus etc are actually lapped up from the West. I mean I am sure there are local actors who are better looking than Brad Pitt and and have bodies as good or better. So why some foreign actor? Because american media pervades the airwaves and suggests its the best. So it is with China and South East Asia.
The other aspect is that many Asians idolise life in the west and think that westerners have great lives and lots of money, and can take the girls out of their dreary existence into a much better life in the USA or Europe. The fact is few of the whites in Asia really command exceptional money or lifestyles. Back home they would be perfectly ordinary. But given the deprived circumstances of most Asian nations, they appear to be very rich when in Asia. A lot of the girls would be very disappointed if they could see what sort of a life the guy actually led back home and what sort of background he had. Another feature of this is that Asian men typically do not spend so much on entertaining their women as western men do, cos western men typically dont save much at all. They come from social safety net countries which will pay them money if they run out of money. Asian men dont have that luxury. So western men will splurge on wine and expensive gifts to impress women. Asian men of the same income group will save the money or invest it and take the same woman to a much simpler meal. If the woman is silly and impressionable, she will be taken in by the ways of the white guy. The funny thing is, long term, the tight-fisted Asian guy would offer her a much better life - having invested wisely in housing, stocks and insurance, while the white guy would come to old age with much less to offer - having burned most of his income up in flashy consumerism... But then, women are dumb, and they just see "oh he spends so much on me - he must care for me more" and flock around the white boys.
But that's just something I wanted to say in General. Of course there are exceptions. There always are. You just need to be smart enough to spot them.
For me in the other hand, I understand how some asians are very attractive, yet I'm just not attracted to them at all. My interest towards the black got ruined by some potential rapists so I'm very much stuck. O well I'm THE diva so I guess I'd live like with that curse.
I honestly don't have anything against the whiteys, honestly so far they are still the race that are most interesting to me. Well, Ok colors dont really matter, they only make up for the catalog like all the other races yet it stands out to me. I am judgemental, not towards what you are, but who you are, and simply based on my observations, and they can be changed. Like in CSI, guy said " Identity is the totality of our life experiences, and our brain neurons process our relationship to the world and each other. DNA is what we are, not who we are. What we are never changes, who we are never stops changing."
I'm just not stagnant, never have, never will be.
So as for some people think I introspect way too much? Well, introspection is always good. As long as its done for a purpose and not merely to wallow in self-analysis. It should lead to concrete action. I certainly can be, and are different from a lot of women. I still think I have the class to be devastatingly effective without being in the least uncouth. And I'd always remember chasing my prey as a woman has to be done with a certain grace and finesse to ensure I dont come across as crude. There is nothing as repulsive as a crude woman making passes at guys.
So to speak.
